Eminem’s mother Debbie Nelson passed away, aged 69, last Tuesday, December 3rd at St Joseph, Missouri.
Debbie had been battling lung cancer. Since Eminem became a star, it did not take much time for fans to understand their troubled relationship. Although Eminem has reportedly sent financial support in the final months, he has not been in direct contact with her or other family members based in the area for quite a few years.
Some of Eminem’s songs have directly called out how she abused and neglected Eminem while growing up. “Mom, I love you, but this trailer’s got to go. I cannot grow old in Salem’s lot, so here I go, it’s my shot; feet, fail me not, this may be the only opportunity that I got. You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow; this opportunity comes once in a lifetime.”– The words are from “Lose Yourself”, the theme song of his 2002 semi-biographical movie 8 mile.
The words mark one of the most important phase in the Detroit rapper’s career. A desperate call to jump to his passion, a decision that needed courage and faith, the words mark his struggle while breaking out from his toxic home environment to create a life. It is also noteworthy how his relationship with his mother affected his struggle.
His mother appears in a lot of his songs, maybe not so intentionally and we get to learn a lot about the rapper’s life.
“My whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn’t.” -Cleanin’ Out My Closet (2002)
“I’m sorry, Mama/I never meant to hurt you/I never meant to make you cry/But tonight I’m cleanin’ out my closet (One more time!)” – The chorus from his 2002 release Cleanin’ Out My Closet shows how his seperation from his mother had been painful and made him feel guilty. But then the song goes on to show the dark side of Nelson as well.
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“Witnessin’ your mama poppin’ prescription pills in the kitchen /Bitchin’ that someone’s always goin’ through her purse and shit’s missin’ /Goin’ through public housing systems, victim of Münchausen’s Syndrome /My whole life I was made to believe I was sick when I wasn’t,” are some of his words. In the song, the son goes on to ask for an apology from his mother who won’t admit her mistakes. As a single mom battling poverty, addiction and mental health issues, Debbie Nelson did make mistakes that hurt her son. Eminem’s way of coping through it was talking through his rap.
Nelson had also filed and settled two defamation lawsuits against Eminem based on the rapper’s remarks about her on magazines and talk shows. She also penned a book called “My Son Marshall, My Son Eminem” which talks about Eminem’s early life.
Eminem apologized to his mom in his 2013 release “Highlights”
The tumultuous nature of their relationship did get softer later on when the mother and son were slowly processing their pain. In his 2013 release “Headlights”, Eminem said “I went in headfirst, never thinking about who what I said hurt/My mom probably got it the worst.” The rapper went on, “And I’m mad I didn’t get the chance to thank you for being my mom and my dad/So Mom, please accept this as a tribute I wrote on this jet.” Nelson also talked about how she would “never give up” on her children, later in an interview.
The pain and anguish that makes the 15 time Grammy winner an artist who shines bright, whom millions in the music world look up to, without a doubt comes from his surroundings growing up and of course his parents, specially his mother. So in a way, Debbie Nelson did make an impact on the music industry, whether this was good or bad can be debatable.
Eminem’s words of survival within a dysfunctional family gives the youth hope and strength to deal with a similar situation. The art would not exist without his mother who has also been a pillar of support at times for Eminem. Eminem himself once said, “My mother taught me no matter how bad things get, always find a way to pull through.” The mother-son story shows us the complexities in a relationship, how even the bitterest of the relationships have a scope of getting better through mutual understanding and empathy. Rest in peace, Debbie Nelson.
